Last Thursday the Milwaukee Brewers updated their website’s Job Opportunities page. I’m grossly unqualified for stuff like “Architect- Baseall systems” or “Developer- Baseball systems” and moving to Milwaukee to be a ticket operations intern probably wouldn’t sit too well with my wife.
However I was intrigued by the Laundry Assistant position, I do the laundry at home so actually had some skills for it, or so I thought. Boy was I wrong.
Behold the job description:
Reasonable accommodations may be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions. Other duties may be assigned.
- Loads articles into washer and adds specified amount of detergent, soap, or other cleaning agent.
- Turns valve/ Start buttons to fill washer with water.
- Starts machine that automatically washes and rinses articles.
- Lifts clean, wet articles from washer and places them successively into driers for measured time cycles.
- Sorts dried articles according to identification numbers or type.
- Folds and places item in appropriate storage bin.
- Clean drier of lint and debris.
- Sorts and counts articles to verify quantities on laundry lists.
- Soaks contaminated articles in neutralizer solution for stain removal and washing.
To perform this job successfully, an individual must be able to perform each essential duty satisfactorily. The requirements listed below are representative of the knowledge, skill, and/or ability required.
Must be able to regularly lift and /or move up to 25 pounds.
Must be comfortable working on an independent basis during night time hours.
Education and/or Experience
High school diploma or general education degree (GED); and three to six months related experience and/or training; or equivalent combination of education and experience.
To perform the job successfully, an individual should have knowledge of Microsoft office software including Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, Outlook, and Internet Explorer.
Hours vary according to the game and event schedule.
Hours vary according to the game and event schedule. Work hours will vary with the game schedule. This position starts at the completion of each home game until all laundry is completed (estimated 5-6 hour shift). For example, hours for a 7:10 p.m. game would be approximately 9:30 p.m. to 4:00 a.m.; for a 1:00 game, the hours would be approximately 4:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m
Immediately a couple things jump out – why does this person need to know how to use Microsoft Access or Powerpoint? I’m convinced Microsoft Access is actually made up. I had a line in my resume about being qualified in Microsoft Access even though I have no earthly idea what it is. Why are the Brewers using Internet Explorer? What kind of organization is Mark A running? Good God this is a mess.
More important, what sort of laundry machine are the Brewers dealing with? It has multiple start buttons and a valve, and its unclear if that even gets it to turn on?
To help clear up the confusion, I’ve put together my best representation of the Milwaukee Brewers laundry process
My hope is this clarifies what the laundry process for any potential applicants. I expect this position to go unfilled for most of the summer, because it is impossible.