Hi everyone. Since most probably have a relatively light day at the office I thought I’d post this children’s book/epic poem/limerick that I wrote about Juan Pierre. Enjoy!
Chapter 1 – The Ceremonial Lead-Off Bunt.
There once was a man, Juan Pierre,
So small, all the mean people stared
They said “you’re just a runt”
He said “just watch me bunt”
Underestimate me, if you dare!”
So Juan started off on his quest
to prove to all he was the best.
He would run and he’d dive
and he’d grind and he’d strive
And he’d take and he’d pass any test.
Chapter 2 – Too Small For the Corners.
The crowd all said “you can’t play right!”
Or left! Now get out of my sight!
Juan claimed he’d play center,
“I just need a mentor
in center to show me the light”
Juan sought out old Andruw Jones
who manned the whole outfield alone.
“The trick: yell “It’s MINE!”
“and run in a straight line”
to play here, it’s a skill you must hone.”
Juan tried as me might to make outs,
always taking circuitous routes
and as Andruw observed
all the curves and the swerves
all it did was make him want to pout.
Juan told him “I’ll just use my speed!
Old Andruw you don’t need to read,
the ball off the bat
when you’re quick as a cat.
I now know everything that I need.”
Chapter 3 – If at First You’re Caught Stealing, Try, Try Again.
Juan thought it time to leave Andruw
to learn from a new type of guru.
He’d learn to take bases,
be put through his paces,
by a player who actually flew.
This fellow went by Podsednik,
Like Juan he was stupidly quick
“The secret to stealing
Which you’ll find appealing,
Is to run, and to run, til you’re sick”
“The catchers may catch you sometimes,
But stealing in this game’s no crime,
If you’re ever cut down,
don’t just sit there and frown,
Run again, and again every time!”
Juan took Pods’ words to his heart,
and he’d run and he’d run from the start,
and he stole and he stole
but encountered a troll,
who hit Juan with a poisonous dart!
Chapter 4 – You Must Pay Jason Kendall to Cross the Magic, 90 Foot Bridge.
Juan finally awoke by a river,
a monster, a bow, and a quiver.
Poor Juan was frightened,
as the goblin enlightened
our hero to why he delivered,
a dart to his back. “You’re too spritely!”
“And speedy, and you would do rightly,
to turn right around
and head back into town,
for I hunt the thieves at this bridge nightly.”
“I’m just here to learn to steal bases!
I’m not stealing paintings or vases.
So please let me pass
And please do not harass
For I have to be off to the races!
The horrible monster agreed,
but told Juan “you won’t go for free.
For to cross over yonder,
to continue your wander,
I’ll be taking your OBP!”
Chapter 5 – Three Bullies Won’t Let Juan Play (Or, I am SO as Good as Kemp/Ethier/Ramirez).
Juan crossed the bridge unimpeded
He came to a field and was greeted,
by two baseball brothers
out seeking another,
“Our trio, it has been defeated!”
“We’re looking for our brother Manny
We’ve checked every nook and each cranny.
Can you help us find,
our dear brother in time
for his hitting is simply uncanny!”
We three have a big game today,
but an evil king won’t let him play!
The King says he used lotions
and magical potions
To steal the King’s trophy away.”
Juan said he’d help on one condition
“With my speed I can help on this mission,
but I’d like to play
In the big game today,
so that I may work on my position.”
Juan took off without a sound
And soon couldn’t believe what he’d found!
He was in a deep freeze,
under zero degrees!
It was Manny buried in the ground!
Juan reunited the three,
they built a fire to set Manny free
“It has been fifty days
since I’ve seen the suns rays,
And before the big game let’s have tea.”
Chapter 6 – Juan Sacrifices for the Good of the Team.
But when they arrived at the field
the Trio, they refused to yield,
“Your position is Matty’s,
and his fiedling’s uncanny.”
And Juan replied “We had a deal!”
“We’re sorry Juan, but it’s important,
We’re sorry to be such bad sports, and
if you’re so inclined
you can warm up the pine,
and serve as the gatorade warden.”
Chapter 7 – Juan Sacrifices for the Good of the Team.
Juan was incredibly furious
but he was both patient and curious.
“What makes these three
any better than me?”
“Their boastful claims appear spurious!”
But Juan saw the great Manny mash,
And Matty played with such panache
and Andre a blend,
he would hit AND defend,
It was clear how these three earned their cash.
Chapter 8 – Juan Sacrifices for the Good of the Team.
The pine he continued to ride.
and then in the 9th it was tied,
with Andre on third
Juan said “I’d like a word!
I can bring victory home for our side!”
The trio said “You’re just a runt, sir”
Juan said, “I’m the world’s finest bunter!”
“There’s a runner on third,
And one out, in a word,
it’s the Squeeze that will get us this run, sir.”
Juan grabbed a good piece of ash,
and pretended as if he would mash,
Andre broke for home,
and Juan stood there, alone,
he prayed, “let the bat and the ball clash.”
Juan’s lumber was true to its task,
the ball, it did all that he asked,
Andre crossed the plate,
as the throw came in late,
In applause and hoorays did Juan bask.
Chapter 9 – On Bad Routes: If you go fast, you can go anywhere!
The Trio said “Thank you, our friend,
But your journey is not at an end,
We’ve learned sacrifice,
But still,it would be nice,
to find you a place to defend.
Juan replied “friends, I know I’m small,
And lousy at tracking the ball,
But when you need rest
I can play with the best,
as a backup, I cover it all.”
Chapter 10 – The Tale of Darwin Barney’s Pot o’ Gold.
In agreement, Matty stroked his beard,
When suddenly a rainbow appeared!
With a big pot of gold
which appeared very old,
And a little green man, he drew near.
He said, “Good day sirs, I’m called Barney,
And I hearken from olde Kilarney,
Juan, you’re so unselfish,
that you’ve earned a wish!
By the grace of the old Irish Blarney,
Chapter 11 – Running Before You Walk.
Juan was quite tempted to see,
If he could wish back OBP,
he thought not because,
well, he was what he was,
“If I walked then I wouldn’t be me!”
“I can’t change a thing my good chap,
These powers can’t fall in your lap,
I’m for running and grinding,
and bunting and finding,
the true Juan, and that is a rap.”
Chapte r 12 – The Final Grind.
Juan grinded and grinded for years,
And while there were both jeers and cheers,
Those tiny and fast
he inspired to the last
And helped them get over their fears.